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Wrestling

AEW Dynamite : December 1st

I’m so sick of summer and it just started. Nonetheless, it’s hot and this stacked card is bringing the heat!

Hangman joined the commentary booth for the first match, with Bryan Danielson taking on Georgia’s finest, Alan Angels. Well, I’m sure he’ll be joining the angels after Danielson is done with him.

Alan tried his best, but like all who came before him, he had his head kicked in. And then some. He eventually submitted. Not that Danielson relented after that. Danielson – 2, Dark Order – 0. Winter is getting closer.

Tony Schiavone points out that Danielson is looking more than ready for his title shot against Hangman. That’s not enough to satiate his appetite though. He wants more next week and I’m sure he’ll get it.

Hangman had enough at this point and left the commentary booth. Johnny Silver stopped Hangman before he got to far though. Silver rushed the ring, but Danielson made his exit.

Miro has apparently had a vision and knows what he has to do next. I’m not sure what it was, but I think he is ready to fight God now.

Lee Moriarty is up next and is taking on CM Punk. Man, I wonder who is going to win this one. Hmmm. At least MJF is on commentary for this one.

MJF didn’t disappoint. The laughs were aplenty. Did you know that the CM in CM Punk stands for Cooking Meth? That explains a lot. The match was alright. There was nothing particularly special about it, and considering how needlessly long it was, there was nothing memorable from it either. Punk won. Obviously.

After the match, MJF addressed CM Punk and asked why it is taking him so long to beat jobbers. It’s a valid question. It doesn’t make them look good, so much as it makes Punk look bad.

The two argued for a while, but MJF declined a match against Punk, stating that he had nothing to prove or nothing to gain from it. He’s not wrong. MJF also trashed CM Punk’s dog and threatened to kill it. Punk tried to attack MJF after this, but Wardlow intervened.

Britt Baker is backstage with Tony. Baker is annoyed that she has to face Riho in a title match. Hayter and Baker had a few heated words with one another, but everything seems to be smoothed over. For now. Hayter will face Riho next week on Dynamite. Hayter also wasn’t wearing pants.

It’s Adam Cole, Bay-Bay! He walked all the way to the ring, just to do the “boom” thing before joining the commentary booth. Orange Cassidy came out and the two went face to face for a while. The Young Bucks joined in. Cassidy got beat up then. Good.

Eventually Chucky and Wheeler saved the day. The Young Bucks and Adam Cole split, which begs the question why Cole joined commentary in the first place?

Tony Nese is excited for his title match against Guevara this Friday on Rampage.

Wardlow murdered AC Adams in a squash match. I hate when we waste TV time on a squash match. We literally have two shows that are dedicated to squash matches. They have no place on Dynamite.

Rey Fenix is unable to compete this Friday on Rampage, so he will be replaced by Pac for the upcoming Tag Match against FTR.

The Gunn Club (Billy & Colten) are taking on Sting and Darby in a tag match. Both teams are apparently undefeated. Someone’s streak is about to be broken. Sorry, Gunn Club.

Sting and Darby were rocking a slight variant to their normal face paint. Darby looked really cool. Sting looked really old. Like really old.

Darby busted the top of his head open. It looked like a decent gash. I think he split his head on the corner post after an Irish whip, but I’m not sure. It didn’t slow him up any.

Also, for some reason Taz started screaming about getting a glass of water. I’m not sure what that was about.

Austin interfered and almost got his team the upset. That would have been a cool swerve! Sting prevailed though and got his team the W.

Marves is backstage with Jericho and wants to know why he came to Kingston’s aid. Jericho said he didn’t care about helping Kingston, he just wanted to hurt Garcia and 2point0. Speaking of, they soon arrived to beat down Jericho. He was on the wrong end of a chair shot.

Lio Rush yelled at Taz for a little bit. Taz yelled back at him some. Dante came out and smiled. Everybody went their own seperate ways. That seemed pointless.

Rosa and Jade had a verbal argument backstage. Rosa will be commentating Jade’s match on Rampage this week, when Jade takes on a student of Rosa’s.

Time for the last quarter final match of the TBS tournament. Kris Statlander will be taking on Ruby Soho. If Soho wins, I’m rioting.

Well, looks like I’m rioting. Soho won. As pissed as I am at the result, it was a pretty good match. The only annoying part was Soho’s horrible overacting when Statlander kicked out of a pin. It was just awful.

Statlander and Soho shared a hug after the bout. Soho was attacked by Nyla Rose, who she will meet in the semi finals.

Our main event is an Atlanta Street Fight. Which, as per normal, is the same as a normal street fight, it just has a city tacked in front of the name. Andrade El Idolo will take on the hometown hero(?), Cody Rhodes.

T-Pain was watching from ringside. I hope we hear some auto tuned chants.

Well, even being in Atlanta isn’t saving Cody Rhodes from the boos. It’s time to embrace it, man. You gotta go heel. If you’re hometown doesn’t love you in wrestling, you’ve got no hope. I’m fairly certain I could hear a “you suck” chant during his entrance.

Once again, Arn managed to fall over, it luckily managed to avoid any serious damage. I think it might be time to call it a day, pal. That’s twice now that he has literally just fallen over no good reason. He will get seriously hurt soon.

Speaking of seriously hurt, Cody’s back looked like it had some pretty nasty burns on it. It’s called sunscreen, dude! He was peeling so much, it was yuck! He was flaking all over the place. Every time he got hit in the back, there was an explosion of dead skin.

And then I missed a solid 8 minutes of action because FITE.tv didn’t check their satellite feed. Ugh. When the picture finally came back, Cody was busted open and Jose had a taser.

Of course, Brandi had to get involved. She set a table on fire and both men went through it. I’m not sure who initiated the move, but it looked like Cody got the worst of it.

Maybe that’s why his back is all peeled. It’s possible they rehearsed the bit earlier in the week and got some burns from it. Cody won and about half of the crowd were happy. I enjoyed it. The flaming table was a nice touch. I would have enjoyed it more if the broadcast didn’t stuff up on me!

By the way, we had lots of different wrestlers join the commentary booth tonight in place of JR. Love him or hate him, he’s a legend in the industry. He’s been the voice of wrestling for my life. Even if he isn’t as sharp as he used to be, I can’t imagine the industry without him. Go kick cancer’s ass and get back to the desk soon.

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