AEW Rampage : September 24th

The Grand Slam theme continues. Hopefully the card is in a better order tonight!

The show kicked off with the fan favourite, CM Punk taking on Powerhouse Hobbs in a grudge match! Ok, it was just a plain old match, but still. Emphasis on the plain *yawn*. At least we didn’t open with the best. I hope not anyway.

It was a little sloppy as well. The two exchanged an awkward move when Hobbs went for the body slam, but Punk was expecting a lariat. It looked weird.

That wasn’t the worse one either! A botched move from the top rope saw Hobbs land really awkwardly on his shoulder. He seemed to shake it off though. Still, it’s always scary to see top rope moves go wrong.

A bloodied CM Punk managed to pull off the win (duh) after “connecting” on a GTS. For some reason, Aubrey decided to flex afterwards to celebrate.

Thunder Rosa is not scared off Nyla Rose or Jade Cargill. Jade hates them both, but is is apparently more personal with Nyla. Nyla ain’t afraid of anyone.

A trios match was up next, with Adam Cole and the Young Bucks forming the “Super Kliq” to take on Christian Cage and Jurassic Express.

The fans are really, really digging Adam Cole. It doesn’t make sense to me. Don’t get me wrong, I like the guy. But he is from NXT. I thought AEW fans hated NXT. How do they know to like a guy from NXT? On that topic, how come they are always instantly cheering for anyone from the WWE? They act like everyone at the WWE sucks, but as soon as they jump ship they are the best wrestler in the world. Weird.

This was a much better match. Things are heating up. Super Kliq looked to have pretty good chemistry, and haven’t lost a step in the years since they teamed up. We already know the other guys work well together. There were a few interesting parts of this match and best of all, nothing was botched. Well, Matt Jackson missed one super kick, but you could barely tell.

Jungle Boy took the Jackson’s to the entrance ramp for a bit of a brawl. It was an entertaining fight, but it looked really slippery! Nick nearly went A over T. Unfortunately for JB, it backfired and it ended up with him and Christian being taken out of the match. With Luchasaurus alone against 3 men, he had no hope.

More Tag Team action, but this time just a standard two v two. The Men of the Year stepping into the squared circle to take on the Inner Circle’s Jake Hager and Chris Jericho.

Toward the end of the match, Jericho really turned the clock back and had an incredible display of athleticism. He was jumping off of everything. I’m glad he didn’t retire.

Dan Lambert tripped up Hager, which ended up with him being down for the three count. Hager was pretty pissed with the loss, so he kicked the crap out of Sky and Page afterwards. With them out of the way, Jericho and Hager turned their attention towards Lambert.

Lambert was saved from a bunch of goons from American Top Team. I still don’t know what American Top Team is, and I didn’t recognise any of the goons. Excalibur named them all, but he had them written in front of him.

The odds were against Jericho and Hager, very heavily. They got the crap kicked out of them. I think it was 9 vs 2.

Now for an 8 man tag team match! Yikes. Private Party joined forces with The Butcher and The Blade to take on the fearsome foursome of Santana, Ortiz and the AEW Tag Team Champions, the Lucha Bros. Quen is looking more and more like a clown every passing week. I’m convinced that he will have a red nose before the end of the year.

At one point, Matt Hardy and his scissors were ready to cut off Ortiz’s hair, but Orange Cassidy walked out. Even though they were easily a hundred yards apart, this was apparently enough to make Hardy stop. Cassidy then punched Jack Evans in the face and left. He never went any closer to Hardy. Hardy had plenty of time to cut Ortiz’s hair, but elected not to.

Other than that, the match moved on at an incredibly quick paced, particularly for an 8 man tag. I liked it! Santana picked up the win for his team. Give ‘em a title shot! The Best! The Best! The Best!

Backstage, a pissed off Matt Hardy is being interviewed by Tony Schiavone. I’d be pissed off if I was standing next to Tony as well. Matt was wielding his scissors and challenged a Cassidy to a haircut match. However, Hardy offered up Evans instead of himself. Interesting!

During the commercial break, Sammy Guevara and Fuego entertained the Picture in Picture audience for a bit. Miro had other plans though, and jumped them both from behind. Fuego got taken out in record time, but Guevara managed to put up a bit of a fight. After Guevara was taken out, Fuego got his second wind but Miro destroyed him again. Props to Fuego, it was actually a huge bump.

Andrade is in AEW to fight. Once again, he mentioned how mad he was at Chavo for interrupting. Yeah man, we get it. Andrade issued another challenge to Pac, because he wants a chance to beat him cleanly.

Anna Jay leads us to the ring for our first singles match since the opener, taking on Penelope Ford. Anna jumped Penelope on the entrance ramp, getting herself a bit of a head start before the bell rang.

The Bunny made an appearance to distract Anna Jay, and it worked. I thought Conti was going to come to the aid of Anna, but apparently not. Penelope managed to turn the tables in the match and pick up the win! That was unexpected. The Bunny and Penelope kicked the crap out of Anna after the match.

Conti finally rocked up to save her bestie. Better late than never I guess. It didn’t do any good, she just got her ass beat as well. At least they went down together. Then Cassidy and Statlander came to the rescue. They brought the Dark Order with them. Have I mentioned how much I am sick of the Dark Order? The Dark Order saved the day and then argued amongst themselves again.

Mark Henry is backstage to interview the combatants ahead of the Main Event. He wants to know why the wrestlers have agreed to have the match. Because it’s their job, Dumbass. Can’t he even ask some interesting questions?

I’m pretty excited for the Lights Out Main Event. Hopefully it’s better than then last “Deathmatch” between Mox and Archer. In Kingston we trust. He hasn’t let me down yet.

Archer continued his awkward gimmick of fighting random people before the match. Unfortunately he continued it during the match as well. Do you not have enough people to fight in the match? He used the people to set up an awkward choke slam bit with Mox. It was dreadfully forced and over the top.

We didn’t get our Picture in Picture for the commercial break, so we missed a solid 3 minutes of action. Ugh! When we came back, Moxley was tied up in the middle of the ring and Kingston was M.I.A.

With Mox’s hands taped behind his back, he was defenceless. Suzuki and Archer took it in turns to whip him with a belt. They didn’t whip him very hard. He didn’t even have any welts to show for it!

They actually pulled a lot of their punches in this fight and it was very lame. I reckon Omega and Danielson went harder the other night and that was a regulation match.

Homicide joined the match, coming to the aid of his pals Kingston and Mox. He finally freed Mox from his duct tape, so we could finish this match. Kingston pinned Archer for the win. Thank goodness it’s over.

Even Eddie couldn’t save this one. That’s a bummer, I was really looking forward to it. Boo!

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