I forgot to watch Dynamite yesterday. Oops! It’s been a long week. It’s not like last week’s episode left me hanging on the edge of my seat either. Let’s find out what I missed.
It looks like CM Punk is joining the commentary booth for the episode. Hopefully he has more charisma than Excalibur. Who am I kidding? A piece of cat poo has more charisma than Excalibur.
The fans were singing along to ‘Cult of Personality’ as he walked out to the ring. I guess it’s the new ‘Judas’. I did say ring, because he walked out to the ring first, before doubling back to the commentary booth. Way to milk your entrance!
Adam Cole kicked the show off with a match! An actual match! Doesn’t he know how it works? You’re supposed to spend your first 3 months being interviewed by Tony Schiavone. You’re not here to wrestle!
Cole’s opponent was Frankie Kazarian. On paper, it was an excellent match up, and these two managed to exceed those expectations. It was an excellent display of technical wrestling. In a way, they are both winners. In a more accurate way, Adam Cole was the winner.
Post match, Adam Cole mentioned how he is sick of Christian Cage, Luchasaurus and Jungle Boy. He proposed a 6 man tag next week on Rampage. Those 3 against the Young Bucks and Cole. I assume that they will accept the challenge.
Apparently The Butcher and The Blade are the number one contenders for the Lucha Bros tag team titles. I’m not sure how that happened, considering they haven’t wrestled as team for a very, very long time. Butcher has been out injured for at least 6 months! Not that I care, I love him. That match will also take place on Rampage this week.
Backstage, Tony is with Sammy G and Fuego Del Sol. I like Sammy. Apparently Fuego has his eyes on the TNT title. We all know how that ended last time. That isn’t deterring him though, he issued a challenge to Miro, offering up his car if he loses the fight. The match will take place (you guessed it) this week on Rampage.
Cut my music, it’s MJF time! He is upset to be in New Jersey. To be fair, nobody likes New Jersey. After insulting the crowd a little bit, he turned his attention to Pillman. Not Pillman JR., Pillman SR. The deceased one. The crowd got pretty angry at that. He really is a genius at working an audience.
Of course, Pillman Jr. came out to deal with the disrespect. He brought a chair with him, but Wardlow was quick to intercept. Pillman Jr. got the upper hand, but Wardlow managed to save MJF from harm.
Speaking of Pillman Jr, he had an interview with JR. Mainly to share some thoughts on his late father and how much they hate MJF.
Jungle Boy thinks that The Elite are overhyped. He also mentioned how nice his hair is. It’s true. He probably has the greatest hair of anyone in the entire world. Challenge accepted.
Dante Martin and Matt Sydal have joined forces (I guess both of their brothers are M.I.A.) to take on FTR. It went about as well as you think it did for them.
They put up a good fight (particularly Dante), but they were no match for the seasoned veterans. FTR worked the ring as well as they worked the referee! Throw in a little assistance from Tully and some slight rule bending, and FTR picked up a victory via pinfall.
Archer and Suzuki are teaming up to take on Moxley and Kingston on Dynamite next week. Suzuki is allegedly upset that his entrance music was cut off last week.
Malakai Black has declared was on Rosario Dawson. Yeah, that Rosario Dawson. She didn’t back down, but Cody came to her rescue. Not that she needed it. Dawson used Cody’s distraction to jump Black. Black threw her to the ground, then he and Cody duked it out for a while.
The Bunny is scheduled to face off with Anna Jay on Rampage, and is feeling confident of her chances. We didn’t get to hear from Anna Jay, because the Dark Order just argued over the top of her interview.
Speaking of people yelling loudly, here’s Dan Lambert. Where is this headed? It’s just going on and on and on. We literally get nowhere. All build up, no payout. At least this time Jericho shut him up pretty quickly. Hager came along for the ride.
Lots of arguing ensued. And I mean a lot. It lead to a match being booked for Dynamite next week. Ethan Page and Scorpio Sky vs Jake Hager and Chris Jericho.
The Gunn Club have finally broken the silence on their recent attack on Paul Wight. They feel slighted that they haven’t had any title shots in the company, despite the fact they are undefeated.
Back to the ring for a women’s match between Jade Cargill and Leyla Hirsch. Apparently last night on Dark, Hirsch defeated Kilyn King but was then jumped by Jade. I wouldn’t know, I stopped watching Dark. Mainly because it was a snooze fest, not unlike this match. Jade won.
Andrade is still angry at Chavo for interrupting his match with Pac. Jose is also in trouble, but not as much as Chavo.
Taz is pissed off that CM Punk is commentating. He’s always mad about something. Hook stepped up to Punk, but did nothing. It’s his M.O. Hobbs jumped Punk from behind. Punk tried to fight back, but Hook actually hit him. Wow.
He wasn’t done there. Hook kicked the entire commentary team out, so Hobbs could throw Punk through the announce desk. Or on the announce desk. It didn’t break. Awkward! I swear half the time the tables don’t break. We need a new provider.
Shawn Spears AKA the Chairman is coming for Darby Allin. We are about to find out if it’s going to work, because the two of them are in action next. Is this the battle of awesome entry songs? They are both in the top 5, for sure.
Spears used a wet towel to wash Darby’s face clean during the match. That’s a new one! Allin looked naked without his face paint. And bewildered. All it did was make him angry. Allin picked up the win via pinfall, after a coffin drop.
FTR jumped Sting and Darby after the match. Tully joined in, continuing his feud with Sting. It was a 3 vs 2 and the trio came out on top. Tully wiped the face paint off of Sting as well. He also looked naked and bewildered.
Danielson reiterated that he is coming for Kenny Omega. Actually, I think it was just a replay from his promo last week. Oh well.
Schiavone is in the ring and he thinks it’s great being in New Jersey. Of course he does. Bryan Danielson made his way down to the ring for an interview. See Adam Cole? This is how you are supposed to do it.
Callis made his way out to join them, forcing Tony to make his exit. Excellent. Danielson issued another challenge to Omega, but Callis declined on his behalf. Danielson asked again and Omega said yes. Callis was sad.
Miro wants to know why Fuego is being stupid and challenging him again. Miro has accepted the challenge and promised to bash in his head, and his car.
Matt Hardy is still mad at Orange Cassidy. I don’t blame him. He broke Matt’s nose! Matt still wants to shave Cassidy’s head. Whatever makes you happy, pal.
Main event time! Yay! It’s been a fun episode, but I am very tired and ready for bed. Moxley and Kingston vs 2point0. The latter jumped the former during their entrance. Danny Garcia joined in. It’s all legal before the bell rings!
Eventually, things kicked off officially. It was a handicap match for a while, Kingston was slow to get up after the beat down earlier. Once Eddie was ready to join in, 2point0 never stood a chance. It was over pretty quickly.
After the match, Suzuki came out to the ring. He got his entrance played in full this time. The crowd even sung along a little bit. Lance Archer and Eddie Kingston got into it. Mox and Suzuki were going at it. It all spewed out into the crowd.
That’s basically how it ended. No one really got the upper hand. I’ll see you all tomorrow at Rampage!