AEW Dynamite : September 8th

The Fallout from All Out! The episode following a PPV is usually lame, but we did have some promising updates at All Out. I guess we will see what happens.

Dustin Rhodes kicked off the broadcast, getting his ass kicked by Malakai Black. It was very boring. If I wanted to watch a squash match, I’d tune in to Dark. Speaking of which, Platinum was back this week! Woohoo!

Focus, Aaron. Dustin Rhodes v Malakai Black. It wasn’t a typical squash match. It had a decent run time, but it felt like Black was dominant. Rhodes managed to mount some offense, but not much at all.

There was a horrible sequence when Dustin missed a punch by a mile and Black followed up with an equally horrific missed kick. Yuck! Anyway, Malakai won. Duh.

Over to a recap of the Lucha Bros v Young Bucks at All Out. It was an awesome bout. In some good news, Penta did not bleed out and is already issuing challenges to the next contenders.

Kingston is pissed off that Miro cheated by using a low blow to defeat him on the weekend. Seriously, that was an awesome match.

The CM Punk appreciation tour continued, with him taking to the ring next. Cincinnati went crazy for him. He gave the same speech that he has been giving since arriving it AEW. The fans ate it up again. Right up until Taz interrupted. Ugh. I’m over this episode already.

Side note : I watched Girl on the Third Floor the other night. Punk is a terrible actor. No wonder he came back to wrestling.

Taz yelled about being tired and so on. You know. His usual speech. There was a lot of chest puffing. Some challenges were issued. Ego’s were bruised. Feelings were hurt. Some tears were shed. That last one was a lie, but it would have been funny.

Proud and Powerful have promised that they are coming for the top spot in the tag team division. I sure hope so.

Over to Tony Schiavone, with newcomer Ruby Soho. Baker interrupted before she could get a word in. That’s my girl! Some back and forth followed.

Finally back to the ring and for an actual match! Powerhouse Will Hobbs vs Top Flight’s, Dante Martin. This match was pretty good, probably the best one on the card. At least thus far. It might be beat, but I doubt it.

I liked the dynamic of a high flyer vs a hard hitter. I’m glad it wasn’t just a squash match. Obviously Hobbs got the win, but Martin managed to get some awesome moves in.

And here is Dan Lambert, sharing his thoughts on the new roster. I’m really getting sick of this promo too. I don’t even know what the point is. I’m so done with this episode. Christ, it hasn’t even been an hour yet.

Matt Hardy is apparently eager to cut Orange Cassidy’s hair. Are they setting up for a haircut match? I can’t imagine Matt without his long, flowing locks.

MJF is annoyed that the match at All Out was restarted, effectively overturning his victory. To be fair, he has a point. You can’t just restart a match. He trashed on Cincinnati for a while after that. I love watching a heel trash on a city. It’s always a good laugh.

Brian Pillman Jr. heard enough of MJF trashing his hometown and his family, he came out to take care of business. MJF got some really good insults in, before Pillman kicked the shit out of him.

Even though MJF had just ridiculed Wardlow, Wardlow still came to his rescue. Griff Garrison tried to even the odds, but Wardlow beat him down too. Exit stage left.

Newcomer, and new number 1 contender Ruby Soho is in action next, against Jamie Hayter. Soho won. It was a solid match. I can’t be more specific than that, I spaced out a little bit. Not because of them, I’m just tired.

Baker jumped her afterwards, but Soho was saved by Riho. What will their tag team be called? The Ho’s? Riho just got beat up as well. Eventually Statlander saved the day.

Cage and Ricky are sick and tired of their feud, and have decided to have a 1 on 1 match to resolved it, once and for all.

Time for a trios match. FTR and Shawn Spears (with Tully and Wardlow) taking on Dark Order’s Evil Uno, Stu Grayson and Alex Reynolds.

We cut back to an Alex Marves interview from earlier in the day. Alex wanted to know if the Dark Order are “fine”. They all had a big argument, until Anna Jay told them all to shut up and figure it out.

Back to the ring. The Pinnacle won. The Dark Order had another argument after the match. Things got physical. I can’t figure out who was fighting who. Anna Jay was not happy though.

Tully is upset at Sting for some reason and issued a challenge. In the meantime, we will settle for Spears v Allin, next week on Dynamite.

Sammy did his card gimmick during the commercial break. Taz wanted to know why he doesn’t just speak into a microphone. I guess he is unfamiliar with the concept of Picture in Picture.

Alex is backstage with the Varsity Blondes. Brian Pillman is pretty mad. He challenged MJF to a match, but was soon interrupted by the mother fucking ACCLAIMED! WHOOP! Caster and Pillman will face off on Rampage this week.

Schiavone is in the ring and is scheduled to interview The Elite. Fortunately, Callis took the microphone off of him. Omega has been ranked number 1 in PWI’s top 500. An accolade that is not unfamiliar to Omega!

The Young Bucks are upset they lost their titles, but are happy that their longtime friend, Adam Cole has joined their group. Adam Cole kicked Tony out of the ring, called him a nerd and warned him to stay away from Baker. You’re alright with me, Cole. Cole will make his in ring debut next week on Dynamite, baybay.

Omega states how much he hates being interrupted, before being interrupted by Bryan Danielson. If Omega hates interruptions, he must really hate AEW. Everyone is always interrupting everyone else.

Omega and Danielson talked smack for a while, before it came to blows. Danielson won, but The Elite quickly intervened. Jurassic Express and Christian joined the fray. The good guys won this one.

Main event time! Minoru Suzuki v Jon Moxley. Suzuki is literally the definition of why you should pay for a haircut, instead of going to a free barber college.

It was one of those low intensity “hardcore” fights. AKA a snooze fest. I punch you, you punch me. I bite you, you bite me. You know, that kind of a fight. There was a little bit of blood, but nothing special.

It should come as no surprise that the hometown kid won.

Thank goodness, it’s over. Goodnight, and I shall see you at Rampage!

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