“CM Punk! CM Punk! CM Punk” the crowd chants as the episode begins. Well, they spoiled that surprise.
In perhaps the worst kept secret ever, CM Punk made his debut on AEW Rampage and he plans to be here for a long time. After a long story on his past, he called out Darby Allin. Why is it always Darby?
Darby and Sting were watching on from the rafters. Looks like a match has been booked for All Out! Darby v CM Punk in a singles match.
Punk then departed the ring and offered free ice cream for everyone. A free t-shirt is so cliched anyway. That took up the first 20 minutes of the episode.
Backstage, Christian Cage is hanging out with Jurassic Express. CC is betting on Jurassic Express to advance through the tag team tournament. Cage is also feeling good about his chances against Omega at All Out. Not only will he take his title, he plans on taking his soul as well.
Almost halfway through the episode we get to witness the first wrestling match on the card. Jurassic Express vs Private Party. The winner advances through to the next round of the tournament. The loser gets nothing.
The Young Bucks had front row seats to the match, as did the Varsity Blondes and the Lucha Bros.
Obviously, we were once again reminded that Private Party upset the Young Bucks in the first ever tag team tournament on AEW Dynamite. Did you guys know that? I’m sure you did. The commentary team bring it up every time they see the Bucks or Private Party.
They weren’t as lucky tonight. Jurassic Express picked up the win and are one step closer to the steel cage with the Bucks.
Omega and Callis weren’t happy with the result. Omega promised that Cage will wish he never came out of retirement.
Jade was next in action, taking on Kiera Hogan. Jade won pretty easily.
Excalibur said that Britt Baker better watch her back, because Jade is good. He is an idiot.
Then we watched highlights of CM Punk’s debut, like it didn’t happen 20 minutes ago. Punk will make his first appearance on Dynamite next week. Red Velvet will meet with Jamie Hayter. Anderson vs Black. Cassidy vs Hardy. And the Lucha Bros will take on the Varsity Blondes, the winner of which will take on Jurassic Express next week on Rampage.
Over to Mark Henry and he has Daniel Garcia, 2.0 and Mox on standby. Mox was angry and mumbling again. It’s impressive how many words he can squeeze in without taking a breath. Another commercial break and then we can watch Mox kick the shit out of Garcia.
It took about 5 minutes, but Moxley won via submission. Obviously, they jumped him after the match. Kingston tried to help but they were outnumbered.
I thought this was the perfect opportunity for Punk to save the day, but we went Darby and Sting instead. It’s always Darby.
They claimed that Rampage would bring the ‘electricity’ every single week. They definitely did last week, but I think the power was out in Chicago this week, because they definitely did not bring the electricity. This episode was worse than the anchovy pizza my wife just ordered.
Not that the CM Punk addition isn’t cool, but it wasn’t cool enough to take up 20 of the 60 minutes. Also, JR didn’t need to bring it up every 5 minutes. Aside from Punk, this episode felt like the recent one of Dynamite. All talk and no fight.
Just a quick shout out to the fan who was crying when CM Punk came out. Respect.