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Wrestling

AEW Dynamite : Apr 28th

The evening kicks off with the number 1 contender, Adam Page taking on Brian Cage in singles competition. At least, it was a singles competition in theory. Team Taz got an early start to the fight and gave the Hangman a bit of a beating before the match officially started. They got a bit of damage done, but were stopped pretty quickly by the Dark Order. After Cage power bombed Page on the outside, the match got underway.

Not that it was much of a match! Hangman was absolutely destroyed by Cage. It was around 10 minutes long and most of that time was just watching Cage destroy the number 1 contender. Cage went on to pick up a very impressive and very dominant win.

Outside, in the parking lot, the Elite are hanging out. Inside a limousine to be precise. Fancy. I think they are angry about their trailer and are calling out Kingston and Mox, but I’m not quite sure. I’m distracted by the Good Brothers. One of them is not wearing pants (or at least is wearing very, very short shorts) and the other is repeatedly licking his own bicep. Nakazawa accidentally honks the limo horn and gives them all a fright. Omega then reveals that Kingston will take on Nakazawa later on the card.

The Sydal Brothers are taking on the Young Bucks in a tag team match. If the Sydal boys are victorious, they get a future shot at the Tag Team titles. If the Young Bucks win, I guess they just win? It’s not like they can challenge themselves. I say if. Obviously, the Young Bucks won. Not much of note happened during the bout, except for the Young Bucks cheating for the sake of cheating. Although I noticed that nobody had a problem when Mike Sydal grabbed Nick Jackson’s tights on a pin attempt.

After the match, SCU came out, much to the delight of the crowd. They bragged on their own undefeated record over the last 6 months and called the Young Bucks out for changing. The challenge was issued.

In another weird promo, Jade continues to say that she wants a manager but is her own boss and doesn’t need anyone to manage her. I’m not sure what she wants anymore.

In a slightly lame fight, Orange Cassidy took on Penta El Zero Miedo in a (gimmick) singles bout. They spent the first few minutes exchanging gimmicks. Cassidy would try and put his hands in his pockets, Penta would stop him and say “Zero Miedo”. Repeat this sequence a few times. The only funny bit was when Cassidy threw his sunglasses to Trent and Trent dropped the catch.

Of course, Alex got involved in the match. It didn’t take long before Cassidy roughed him up as well. Alex tried to get the microphone to Penta for a cheap shot, but Trent intervened and Cassidy got a hold of the microphone. He used it to get a shot in on Penta and get the 3 count for the victory. At least he actually had to work for this victory. It feels like all of his matches are 30 seconds or less lately.

Tony is backstage with the number 1 contender for the Women’s title, Britt Baker. Sorry, where are my manners? Dr. Britt Baker. She didn’t have much to say except that she is the number 1 contender and to deliver a magnificent pun. “Shida later”. It doesn’t really work in the written format, but her delivery was perfect and it was very funny. You’ll just have to take my word for it.

The parley between the Inner Circle and the Pinnacle was next. Each team had their own personal security guards. In the case of the Pinnacle, they seemed largely pointless, considering they were significantly smaller than the members of the group they were hired to protect. At least the Inner Circle’s escorts were considerably “beefier”. And they rode motorbikes.

Not much happened during the parley, just a lot of talking. A couple of funny jokes were squeezed in, but nothing major. It was announced that Blood and Guts will start as a 1v1 match for the first 5 minutes, every 2 minutes after a new combatant will enter, giving one team a 1 man advantage every other 2 minutes. The Pinnacle were the team to receive the advantage.

Up next was the unsanctioned match between Eddie Kingston and Michael Nakazawa. This one was so unsanctioned that a referee didn’t even bother turning up. Eddie Kingston was not happy that he supposedly had to fight Nakazawa and refused to do so. He turned his back so he could call out Omega and Naka jumped at the opportunity. He beat Kingston down with his laptop.

Unfortunately for Naka, his advantage didn’t last long. Kingston turned the tables and trapped his ankle underneath a steel chair, putting himself in to position to break Michael’s ankle. He warned Omega if he didn’t come down to the ring, he was going to break “his boy’s” ankle.

Well, Omega didn’t care and was happy to turn Michael over to the wolves. Mox then grabbed Omega from behind and dragged him to the ring. He choked the champ out and Kingston set up the chair again, this time set to break Kenny’s ankles. Callis begged them not to and agreed to give them anything they wanted if they let Kenny go. Mox and Kingston agreed.

So what prize did they pick? Was it an AEW title match against Kenny? Or an Impact! World title match? AAA? A tag team title shot against the Young Bucks? Or against the Good Brothers? A handicap 2 on1 match vs Omega with no rules? Nope, none of these. They wanted a tag team match against Omega and Nakazawa. No stipulations, no titles, just a boring old tag match. Use your imagination, guys!

During the commercial break, Sammy Guevara announces that he will be the first combatant for his team at Blood and Guts.

Tony is backstage with Taz. This should be fun. Taz is bragging how Brian Cage just defeated the number 1 wrestler in the world. I assume he is talking about Hangman and means number 1 contender? Anyway, he moves on pretty quickly and starts yelling about Christian Cage. Then Christian comes out and yells back at Taz.

Christian comes up with the lame catchphrase “there is no win or lose, only win or learn”. He hopes that all the members of Team Taz learn something from their defeats against Cage and that they all learn they would be better of without Taz. I’ve been saying that forever!

In a decent match up, Kris Statlander defeated Penelope Ford. Nothing really happened from a story line perspective, but it was nice to just switch off and watch a good match.

I had zero interest in the next match (I’m just over trios) and I am sorry to say that I spaced out. I actually had to rewind because I didn’t even notice who won. The match was the trios match between the Nightmare Family (Dustin, Billy and Lee Johnson, I think) and the Nightmare Factory (QT, Nick Comoroto and Aaron Solow). The Factory picked up this victory.

After the match, Nick Comoroto hit Dustin in the head with a cow bell. I don’t know where it came from or why it was there. Then the Gunn Club got Nick. Apparently the rest of the Factory had already left, so they had to come from backstage to rescue Nick.

Meanwhile, QT got outta dodge and was headed for the bus. Cody was poorly hidden inside, but QT didn’t seem to notice. Cody and QT had a fight for a while, then QT climbed on top of the bus for some reason. It was like in a horror movie when the victim runs up stairs instead of out the front door.

QT had nowhere left to run and Cody took care of business. They didn’t do anything cool though. Nobody got thrown off of the bus or put through the roof. Cody just put QT in a figure 4 leg lock and QT tapped out. Even though it wasn’t a match.

QT vs Cody is announced for next weeks episode. Along with the Mox/Kingston v Omega/Naka tag match. Britt Baker will be in action. There will be a 4 team tag match to decide the number 1 contenders between SCU, the Varsity Blondes, Jurassic Express and The Acclaimed. I know who I’m going for, but it seems unfair that SCU have to win the spot after going undefeated for 6 months. On the May 12th episode, Mox will defend his IWGP title against Yuji Nagata. Or Yuichi Niagara according to my auto correct.

Backstage, Kip is off to smooth things over with Miro. Kip is wearing a lovely shirt and is convinced that everything will be fine. It wasn’t. Miro wiped the floor with Kip. Threw him in a few lockers. Choked him with a chain. Slammed his hand in a door. Then he forgave him and left.

The main event featured Darby Allin defending his TNT title against 10. It was a decent match up. Ethan Page interfered and jumped Darby during the match. Where were you on that one, Sting? Darby ripped the mask of 10, causing just enough of a distraction to get himself the victory.

Allin and 10 showed respect for one another afterwards and dedicated the match to Brodie. It was a nice moment until Ethan Page and Scorpio Sky jumped them both. I’m not sure what Sting and the Dark Order were doing, but they did not come and help. Lance Archer did though. Ugh. I’m outta here.

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