AEW Dynamite : Mar 31st

Christian Cage kicked things off this evening with his first singles match in a while, taking on fellow long time veteran, Frankie Kazarian.

I was very excited for this match up and I am pleased to say that it did not disappoint. What a bout! These two almost went the distance, but ultimately Cage managed to pick up the victory via pinfall, in his first match at AEW. Quick question, why does it say “JR” on the front of his tights?

Not to knock the rest of the card (because it was an awesome episode of Dynamite) but this was easily the best singles match of the night, possibly the best match overall. I guess it depends what you are in to.

We cut to a Darby Allin and Sting promo. Sting didn’t say anything, just Darby. He called out Matt Hardy and addressed his age and the fact that his money means nothing. I love you, Darby, but you need to watch your damn mouth!

Jade also took some screen time to have a go at Red Velvet. I’m all about it.

QT Marshall took to the ring to square off with his mentor, lover and best friend, Cody Rhodes. Remember, Arn Anderson is the special guest referee and Cody promised to hold back. Also, the entire Nightmare Factory/Family were at ringside.

Arielle asked me if Arn could even get down on the mat to count any potential pin attempts. There was only one pin attempt that I recall, and Arn didn’t even bother trying. QT covered Cody and Rhodes kicked out at the 1. Arn just stood and watched though, he made no attempt to count. And it wasn’t because he was playing the villain.

As promised, Cody held back for the most part. I thought that QT would wear him down eventually and Cody would fight, but he never really did. QT was getting frustrated on the outside of the ring. Dustin offered QT some help but was quickly dismissed. And rudely, I might add.

Anyway, QT decided he was fighting someone and if it wasn’t going to be Cody, it may as well be Arn. QT clocked the old timer right on the jaw and knocked him out. It was actually brilliant as far as heel turns go. I wondered why Arn was the special referee and I got my answer. I didn’t see that one coming!

He wasn’t done though. Aaron Solow, Nick Comoroto and Mojo Jojo Anthony Ogogo all turned heel as well and jumped their former oppressors trainers. Actually, I meant that last strikethrough. Oppressors. Break free, boys, break free!

A good beat down followed and I assume the match is being called off. Lee Johnson got slaughtered. That was QT’s revenge after Johnson didn’t thank him. All of this blood is on your hands, Johnson. All you had to do was say thanks.

Seriously though, way to play the long game AEW! That was ages ago. The commentators brought it up and I am convinced that Tony Khan does indeed read my work.

Dustin got busted open. Everyone was sprawled out. QT was setting up for the killshot on Cody, but Red Velvet came out to save him. I wish that QT hit her with a chair or something. Just fully embrace being the bad guy. Imagine the heat on this guy, if in one night he took out (fan favourites) Team Cody, (old man) Arn Anderson and (a woman) Red Velvet!

Still, looks like we’ve got yet another super team forming. Admittedly, one without a lot of lottery picks, but the Raptors won the title in 2019 without a lottery pick. QT Marshall. Aaron Solow. Anthony Ogogo. And, my personal favourite, Nick Comoroto. So much hair on that man. Mmmm. Now all they need is a name. The Dream Catchers. It’s perfect. No Nightmares here.

I can’t believe I just spent so long talking about QT Marshall.

Scorpio Sky and Ethan Page are upset they are continually overlooked and unappreciated. Sky, you were the first ever Tag Team champion and had a chance at the title, you just blew it. Page, you’ve only been here a couple of weeks, how could you possibly be overlooked already?

Red Velvet was attempting an interview with Dasha Gonzales, but was quickly interrupted by Jade. Jade didn’t waste time with words, she just beat her down pretty quick. And it was actually pretty brutal.

Before she got beat down though, Red Velvet said that of course she was going to come to Cody’s aid and he was her “partner”. I can’t wait for the future Brandy vs Red Velvet “Homewrecker” feud. OMG! What if this whole time, Brandy has been behind Jade? It’s all another long con. She was playing us all, right from the very first interview with Shaq!

Mox cut another promo and complained about everything “pissing him off”. I had a few giggles. After that, he choked out Cezar Bononi in a singles match. JD Drake and Ryan Nemeth were in Cezar’s corner. They tried to get involved but it didn’t work out very well for them. Is JD Drake in the Pretty Picture now? If he is, damn. I thought they had some standards.

Team Taz says that everything in Team Taz is dandy. Then Ricky Starks and Brian Cage start arguing again. I don’t want Cage and Starks to break up, they are an awesome duo. I want them to break up with Taz. Maybe they are acting too and it’s another long con! Or am I reaching now?

It’s time for MJF to present The Pinnacle with their gifts. I was wrong, it wasn’t team jackets. He did get them all a personal stylist to make some tailor suits and he got an interior decorator to jazz up their new locker room. There was one problem though. The Inner Circler are back and they want their locker room back!

A huge brawl ensued. Wardlow was put through a massage table. MJF was drowned in a toilet and then smashed through a fridge. Dax was busted open. Everyone got messed up. Even Tully. The Inner Circle reclaimed the locker room.

Alex Marves is with the Young Bucks and they are soon joined by Don Callis. Then Nick and Alex decide to leave, so we are left with just Don and Matt. This is weird already.

Callis rants a little bit about Omega being heartbroken and betrayed by his best friends. Callis slaps Matt and repeatedly calls him dead inside or empty inside etc etc. Matt just stands there and doesn’t say or do anything. It was a really weird segment.

Up next was a 6 man tag match, or a trios match if you will, between the Lucha Bros/Laredo Kid and Kenny Omega/Good Brothers. Don Callis joins the commentary team. Speaking of commentators, the Lucha Bros are still hanging out with Alex Abrahantes (the Spanish announcer). Why do the commentators always have to get involved? And why does Penta need a translator when HE CAN SPEAK ENGLISH?!

Anyway. As you have probably realised, I’m getting a bit sick of trios matches. And quad matches. Anything involving more than 4 people really. It’s just always so chaotic and it’s like there aren’t any rules. I, for one, would like more referees in the match. I want to see the rules enforced! No more interference, no more all in brawls, just wrestle a tag match.

This match was no different. It was chaotic from the start and bodies were everywhere before the match even officially started. Kenny copped a beating early and was nearly pinned, but he recovered and went on to get the win for his team, pinning the Laredo Kid.

After the match, Jon Moxley and the Young Bucks came out together and stared at the winning trio for a while.

Britt Baker is backstage and points out that Thunder Rosa’s biggest victory ever was the unsanctioned match, which technically doesn’t count at all. It was unsanctioned and won’t appear on her record. It’s a good thing she is picking up some victories on Elevation!

Back to the ring and the ladies are putting on a tag team match. My two favourites, Shida and Conti team up to take on Nyla Rose and The Bunny. This was a really good match, but was unfortunately overshadowed by way too much on the outside.

It essentially turned in to the Hardy Family Office vs The Dark Order. It was weird. The official match was won by The Bunny after pinning Tay Conti. She may have bent the rules a little bit to get there, but you do what you gotta do!

Also, Conti is the number one contender for Shida’s title. I don’t want my girls to fight.

A few matches are announced/confirmed for next week. Moxley will be teaming up with the Young Bucks to take on the trio of Omega and the Good Brothers. Tay Conti will see singles action against The Bunny. It’s good to see The Bunny getting some in ring action. Darby Allin will defend his TNT title against JD Drake. PAUSE.

Seriosly? JD Drake? Can we at least have some standards? Does JD Drake even have a victory yet? I know that Darby issued an open challenge, but seriously. They are always harping on how wins and losses matter and the rankings are important. What a load of crap. JD Drake. Ugh.

PLAY. The Inner Circle will also make their return next week, even though I would argue that they already made their return tonight. And we will also see a tag team match between Jurassic Express and Bear Country. That match is presented by Godzilla vs Kong, in cinemas everywhere. What a bunch of shameless sell outs. Marko also has a Kong tattoo. Lucha is not impressed.

Finally, we have arrived at the highly anticipated main event, Arcade Anarchy! Just like the opener, this one did not disappoint. We saw a wide variety of weapons used and equipment broken.

Miro had his head smashed in with a trash can lid. Kip was used as a mole in a whack-a-mole game. Chuck was power bombed on some lego pieces. A few tables and barriers were broken and bent. It was all happening.

Penelope got involved and was then taken out of action by none other than Kris Statlander! She was hiding in the “UFO Catcher” game. Classic. She is out of this world after all. Ari literally just said yesterday that she missed Kris Statlander. What a strange coincidence.

Props to Penelope by the way. Statlander put her through an air hockey table. Tough bump!

She wasn’t the only one to return though. The headlights appeared in the background and a vehicle slowly approached. It was a white minivan. Behind the wheel, was Trent’s mom, Sue. And in the back seat was Trent! He’s back! Sue dropped her son off and he got to work kicking ass.

The Best Friends went on to win the match and shared a hug in the ring. Even I was happy to hear Excalibur speak when he said “You got to give the people what they want!”. Kris Statlander then joined them in the ring for a hug. Welcome back you two. What an awesome surprise.

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