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Wrestling

AEW Dynamite : Jan 27th

The Mad King, Eddie Kingston is first up and he is taking on the consistently boring, Lance Archer. Yeah, yeah, everybody dies. We get it, Lance. I expected Kingston to get his ass kicked and sure enough, that’s basically what I got to watch. Until the Butcher and the Blade rocked up!

They dragged Jake Roberts’ sorry ass with them and were giving him a little bit of the bad cop/bad cop treatment. Obviously, this drew the attention of Lance Archer and distracted him just long enough for the Bunny to slip some knuckle dusters onto Eddie Kingston. Kingston got up from the mat and floored Archer. 1,2,3! Ding Ding! The Mad King was victorious, but he wasn’t done yet.

Eddie and the gang got to work on Archer and Roberts, absolutely destroying the pair. You don’t mess with the Zohan and you don’t mess with Eddie Kingston. I think Butcher was a rocking a muttonstache, which is honestly incredible. Just when I think that I cannot love him anymore, he comes out with a muttonstache. He might be 1/3 butcher, 1/3 rockstar and 1/3 wrestler, but he is all man.

Scene : a dark, cool night. A chicken wire fence, possibly in a rail yard. Enter Jon Moxley, drawling on about the Elite and Death Triangle and drama.

Sting is hanging out with Darby, somewhere in an abandoned warehouse. Sting says that he isn’t a hoodlum, but Darby is. Darby throws his skateboard out the window. Barely any glass breaks. Sting says that he is actually a hoodlum and smashes some window panes with a baseball bat. Again, barely any glass breaks. Curse you, safety glass!

Back to the wrestling ring for a tag team match up. The newly formed duo of MJF and Jericho are taking on the Varsity (non) Blondes. Obviously, MJF and Jericho won. The real story here is the continuing drama between MJF and Sammy Guevara. Tensions seem to be at an all time high. MJF says that the two of them need to talk and then they yell at each other for a little bit. I don’t think Jericho can control this for much longer.

Pac is coming for Kenny and possibly Don Callis. Pac has a way of saying nothing in his promos but being endlessly entertaining about it. Take notes, Mox.

Shaq called Cody a little punk and a little girl. He challenges him to a match, and suggests sometime in March. Revolution is in March. Surely Shaq couldn’t be any worse than Snoop Dogg.

I think Cody accepted? He handed the mic over to Arn Anderson to give the answer and we were treated to one of the most unintentionally funny moments in AEW history.

Arn says ” June 29th, 1985. Does that date have any meaning to you whatsoever?”. Cody looks at Arn, pondering for a moment and then shakes his head, “No”. Arn continues his story about watching Dusty Rhodes wrestle a 30 minute match and then get on a plane, arriving just in time to witness the birth of his son, Cody. Cody looks emotional and teary eyed. My favourite part is how Cody pretended that he didn’t know his own birthday? What a laugh.

Anyway, Arn rambled on for a while longer. All due respect to the legend, but wrap it up! Cody suggested a mixed tag team match at Revolution (Cody/Brandi vs Shaq/Jade), but obviously that can’t happen because Brandi is pregnant. Good thing we have ‘Discount Brandi’ available. Red Velvet steps up and offers her services as a replacement. Looks like the match is set.

A quick wedding promo for Kip and Penelope. Kip is damn handsome. Penelope is pretty amazing herself. They might be the most attractive couple of all time. Miro will obviously be at the wedding and so will his butler, Charles Taylor.

Hangman has a match against a newbie, ‘The Hollywood Hunk’, Ryan Nemeth. Nemeth put up a better fight than I thought he would, but obviously Hangman picked up the win. After a lot of lariats. Seriously. A lot.

Again, the real story here was what happened on the outside of the ring. “Big Money” Matt Hardy came out to cheer on Hangman from ringside. After the match, Matt left but Hangman called him back. Hardy went on to say that he respects Hangman and will always have his back, no strings attached. He also offered to share his huge change room with Hangman, because apparently he doesn’t have one since he broke up with Kenny.

Dax “The Ax” Harwood. “Jungle Boy” Jack Perry. One on one. At ringside, Luchasaurus is handcuffed to both Tully Blanchard and Cash Wheeler, one man to each wrist. Marko is sent backstage. Time to settle this beef, mano-e-mano.

We had an early match of the year candidate with this one. Both man showed off a very impressive skillset and just went to a second gear. I loved this one. Surprisingly, Jungle Boy picked up the victory via submission.

Lucha did a great job of holding Tully and Cash at bay. Right up until the handcuffs were unlocked after the match. Then they beat the shit out of him. Jungle Boy too. Even ringing the bell again didn’t stop this beatdown. Has that ever worked? In the entire history of pro wrestling, I bet it has never worked. It’s like a parent flicking the light switch on and off when their kids are having a punch on. It’s just annoying.

Anyway, the beatdown continued for a while. Poor Lucha got handcuffed to the ropes and they cut his horns off. I was very disappointed to find out his mask is rubber. I suppose it makes sense, but in my head it was always a hard plastic. FTR turned their attention to JB and went to cut off his pretty locks. Fortunately, Marko rocked up just in time to save his friend. SCU and Top Flight came out to help as well.

Taz is yapping on about Sting and Darby. I honestly don’t know who does the worse promos, Taz or Mox. Probably Mox. At least Taz makes me feel something. As Team Taz are walking through an abandoned parking lot, they come across the worst t-shirt stand in the world. Zero customers and nothing but Darby Allin and Sting shirts. Almost like it was set up, just to piss off Taz.

Hook assaulted one of the poor retail workers and Hobbs joined in the fun. Team Taz destroyed the pop up stand. Literally. Starks dropped one of the employees through a table. It was a big drop too. A lot of hang time. I can’t remember if it was Cage or Hobbs, but one of them threw an employee into the side of the truck. It was genuinely brutal and I loved it.

Britt Baker is in action next against Shanna. This was another incredible match, Britt picking up the win via submission. She wasn’t done with Shanna yet. The beating continued, until Thunder Rosa came and saved Shanna. Britt and Rebel scurried away. There will be no escape next week though!

On a side note, Tony stuffed up the Rebel/Reba thing, AGAIN! Surely he is doing it on purpose? Maybe he thinks it’s funny. It’s just as annoying as Excalibur going “1,2, NO!” on every single pin attempt! It’s ok to let the action breathe.

Backstage, MJF and Sammy are still arguing.

The participants for the tag team battle royale are announced! Top Flight, Private Party, Jurassic Express, FTR, MJF/Jericho, Dark Order (Uno/Grayson), Proud N Powerful, Sammy/Hager, The Acclaimed and for some reason, the Young Bucks? The prize is a title match for the AEW tag team titles, are the Bucks going to fight themselves if they win? More on that later.

Riho will be making her return in the women’s number 1 contender tournament! Her first match back will be against Serena Deeb.

Time for the main event! The Bullet Club (The Young Bucks and The Good Brothers) are taking on Dark Order’s Evil Uno, Stu Grayson, John Silver and Alex Reynolds. It was a solid enough match, with Bullet Club picking up the win. As was the case tonight, the real story was what happened before and after the fight.

Before the match, Kenny approached the Young Bucks and said that they needed to talk. Don Callis was with them and he was wrapped up like a mummy. A little bit of a scuffle broke out and Kenny seemed torn between Callis and the Bucks. The Bucks had to make their way down to the ring, so that put an end to the fighting. The Good Brothers didn’t intervene physically, but they verbally vouched for Callis. I don’t think the Bucks cared.

After the match, the Young Bucks stated that they are in the tag team battle royale. If they win, they get to choose their opponents for their next title match. They heavily implied that they would select the Good Brothers. Then Rey Fenix came out and kicked them both in the face, simultaneously. His athleticism never ceases to amaze me.

As a reward for his athleticism, he had the shit kicked out of him by the Good Brothers. Mox came to help him, Kenny came to help the Good Brothers and the chaos continued. See you next week, wrestling fans!

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