I haven’t purchased a pair of shoes this year, at least not for myself. My 20 month old daughter has more pairs than I do! I don’t even know how that happened, I swear we have only purchased her 2 pairs in her life. She must of gotten a lot of hand-me-downs. By the way, when do we stop giving our children’s age in months? I can’t figure that out. I don’t like saying she is 20 months old because I feel like I’m being a weirdo. But, if I say she is a year and a half or just round up to 2, I feel like I’m lying. Help!
Anyway, for a die-hard sneakerhead, that’s a pretty big deal. I actually need to walk that statement back. I did buy one pair of shoes for myself. It cost $9 at K-Mart, but I used a gift card. I only did it because I needed a pair of shoes I could destroy. That’s the problem when all you have are a bunch of really nice Nike’s, Adidas’ or Jordan’s. You don’t have shoes for everyday life.
Are you like me? I buy all these shoes and I love to wear them. I don’t keep them in a box or displayed on a shelf. Well, except for a few pairs. When I do wear my shoes, it is ever so cautiously. I make sure to waterproof them first. And any other protectant spray I can get my hands on. When I’m walking, I’m extra careful. I make sure to step lightly. I don’t drag my feet. I choose my terrain. Hard surfaces only, no grass or dirt. When I go out to eat, I choose my meals based on the likelihood they will spill. Spaghetti is a no go. I keep my feet safely tucked under my chair anyway, just in case. Am I crazy? Yes, most definitely. You’ve all been saying that for years.
When we went out for dinner a few weeks ago, I wore my Nike Air Max 270’s – the all black ones. With the exception of some fluorescent bits, like the logos, the shoe lace loops and the all white trim on the soles. Despite my daughter being a big nuisance, dinner was a success. The pizza was delicious. Afterwards, we decided to walk down to the ice creamery for dessert and to take my daughter for a walk in the park.
The park here is nice. It is rather large and despite an infestation of bats, it is in no way creepy or eerie. There is lots of grass for children to play on and lots of local wildlife to see. The best thing about the park though? An asphalt walking track, that cuts through the whole park. No need to step into any mud or dirt or grass. Just nice clean asphalt.
All except one part anyway, the little fernery bit. The fernery is all dirt/mud and is mixed with a lot guano. If you don’t know what that is, read ‘Bat Shit’. I think people like it (the fernery, not the guano) because of all the pretty plants. If you ask me it’s just a dirty hay fever factory. And don’t even get me started on the mosquitoes, especially this time of year.
I’m sure you can guess what part of the park my in-laws, fiancé and child decided to play in. And they say I’m the crazy one. So, we braved the wilds and headed into the fernery. It all went well (sarcasm heavily implied). We got eaten alive by mosquitoes. Our COVID mandatory masks did nothing to protect us from the smell of bat faeces. I will give it points for preventing any hay fever attacks (again, I’m not talking about the guano). My daughter fell over and cut her knee up pretty badly. You should have heard her scream when we used the betadine on it at home. Obviously, I had to pick her up and comfort her. She got blood, tears, dirt and likely bat poop on my white shirt.
All of that tragedy and they all paled in comparison to the true horror of the evening. My Nike Air Max 270’s fell victim to the wilderness. I got mud on the all white part of the sole. I haven’t been able to get the stain out. My Nike Air Max 270’s lost a part of their sole that day and I lost a part of my soul with them. We’d served together for 18 months.
Chicago and I both went home crying that evening. That’s not completely true. Only I went home crying. Chicago took her wounds like a champion. I was distraught for days to come. I got a packet of Tim-Tams to cheer myself up, but was enraged to find that they come in packets of 11. What is wrong with this world?
I got a bit distracted with that story. It wasn’t the point of today’s post. The point is, I haven’t got myself a pair of shoes for almost 12 months. I still look at all the websites every other day and I dream about the day I finally try on a pair of Russell Westbrook’s Why Not? ZeR0.3’s. If you reading this Russ, I’m a size 10 mens. Yesterday, in an attempt to satisfy my cravings, I did something crazy.
I took my Triple White Adidas Yeezy Boost 350 V2’s and I customised them. Or depending who you ask, butchered them.
There they are! I’m actually really happy with how they turned out. I might even be able to wear them without being in a constant state of panic. Originally, I was going to paint them black first, but decided against it because I didn’t purchase enough paint. Honestly though, I think it would look great either way. I could always do it again later.
I know some of my fellow sneaker heads are probably really mad at me right now. Not buying a single pair of shoes for a year is one thing, but butchering a pair of Yeezy’s is a whole other story! At the end of the day though, I had a lot of fun doing it and I might actually get to wear one of my favourite shoes that I own.
I’ve probably worn them 2 or 3 times since I got them, which was on release day. Otherwise, they just sit around collecting dust. I don’t even have a good spot to display them. At least this way, I can wear them and be safe with the knowledge that if I get some pasta sauce or dirt on them, no one will even notice. Yes, I ruined my Yeezy’s, but now I have a brand new pair of shoes that I can wear. Isn’t that the point of footwear? I think sometimes I forget that. At the end of the day, I own a pair of Yeezy’s that are now essentially worthless, to everyone but me.