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Life

Am I out of touch?

No, it’s the children who are wrong

Disclaimer : I didn’t know what to write today, so I’m just having a bit of dumb fun. Even though I am raising some valid points, please don’t go start riots at Woolies or Maccas. Peaceful protests only. And if you absolutely insist on rioting, at least wear a mask and maintain a safe social distance please. I’m not trying to be a “Karen” (as the kids call it nowadays), nor am I trying to encourage anyone else to behave like that. For the record, my aunty is named Karen and she’s alright. Not all Karen’s are evil.

Frozen party sausage rolls are a scam. Or at the very least a con. You are essentially buying a big sausage rolls with marks on the pastry, indicating where to cut in order for it to be party size. Imagine if they did that with frozen party pies. The world would be in outrage. So why do we settle for this? Stop the complacency, make a stand! Cut our frozen sausage rolls for us! I don’t want a big sausage roll, otherwise I would have brought big sausage rolls. I buy party ones because I want party ones. Sometimes, I just want to eat one party sausage roll. I can’t though, unless I try to cut through a slab of frozen pastry and alleged sausage meat. In the name of science, I have tried that before, it was very difficult and I probably wrecked my knife.

Today, Chicago decided she wanted to have party pies and sausage rolls for lunch. That’s fine, we usually cook one “party” sausage roll (which breaks down into 3) and 3 party pies and we split them. That sounds like it solves the dilemma, right? Wrong! We cook them in the oven and because the party sausage roll is bigger, it takes longer. So, by the time it’s cooked, our party pies are little volcanoes, spewing molten “meat” everywhere. Sure, I could microwave the sausage roll a bit first but the whole point of using the oven is my laziness! I’m a father of a 20 month old, plus the pregnancy that means I haven’t slept for about 2 years and 5 months. I have no energy to be swapping food from the microwave to the oven.

Whilst we are on the topic of super market things that make no sense, what’s up with hot dogs? Why do hot dogs come in a packet of 8, but the hot dog rolls come in packets of 6? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills! What am I supposed to do with the 2 extra hot dogs? Cut them up and make hot dog dippers? Pigs in a blanket? Put 2 hot dogs in one bun? Just eat them? All good suggestions and I have done them all, but nothing beats a classic hot dog in a bun.

Aaron, why don’t you just buy 3 packets of hot dogs and 4 packets of bread rolls? Yes, I’ve had that thought before but a) I’m not made of money and b) what the heck am I going to do with 24 hot dogs? My freezer is full enough as is with all of the cooking I do. I haven’t got room for that many buns! Hot dogs are a Monday Night Football meal. I just need a 6 pack of hot dogs and a 6 pack of buns, once a week for 16 weeks a year PLEASE.

And another thing! How come nappies come in such weird amounts? Do you have any idea the stress that causes me? What do I want an 81 pack of nappies for? Or 56? Or whatever other random number they decide to assign! I like things to make sense. Keep it in multiples of 5 please.

Also, who the heck wants double pulp orange juice?

Can you tell that we went grocery shopping today? Sometimes we treat ourselves to McDonald’s for lunch after we go shopping but we are on strike. How come it’s cheaper to buy a family box then it is to buy two small meals? That doesn’t make sense. Single people eat McDonald’s. So do couples, families of 3 and stay at home parent/child duo’s. Show us some love, Maccas or else we are going to Hungry Jacks forever more!

Anyway, Chicago just threw her plate at the wall. I guess that’s a sign that she has either finished lunch or she is sick of me working at the table. I’m going to go clean up, beat her in a dance battle, send her to bed and play video games for a couple hours. Have fun, see you all tomorrow for Dynamite!

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